In October of 2018, we published Lonely? You’re Not Alone. It’s worth a re-read, but it would be disingenuous to pretend that things aren’t very different in Spring of 2021. It’s extra-easy to be lonely while we are all physically distanced and learning remotely. And it’s extra-hard to maintain our usual friendships and relationships – much less, start new ones. We know things have been especially difficult on those of you who just started here at UMD this Fall or Spring. Everyone struggles at some point with isolation and loneliness, and those feelings are more pervasive than ever. Of course, one thing does hold true from 2018 – you’re still not alone, even when it feels like it.

With that in mind, we’ve pulled together a list of our favorite tips and insights from a series of articles (links all included). Of course, no one is claiming that these small truths and tricks will make everything magically easier – but they might help, at least a little, in the meantime.

***Need some advice on making friends during COVID-19? Scroll down to #3: Make Plans (and Make Friends).***

1. Keep Track of Your Thoughts & Be Compassionate Toward Yourself.
Loneliness can have a strange impact on the way we think – not just in the content of our thoughts (which may become sad or hopeless), but also in the actual way our thoughts form. It can lead to disconnectedness in our thinking. Talk to people out loud whenever you can – on the phone, via FaceTime, or safely in person – but also think about journaling or organizing your thoughts in similar ways. It can become easy to spiral into a dark mood when we’re lonely.

• “[P]ay attention to judgments about yourself. If you notice that you are being less than compassionate in your thoughts about yourself, make a conscious effort to practice replacing those thoughts with more reasonable ones.” –The Quiet Pandemic of Loneliness During COVID-19, Psychology Today.
• “Just as you would feel caring and compassion toward someone you love who is struggling with loneliness, practice seeing yourself in the same way. If you tend to be self-critical or callous toward your own pain, observe that reaction. Then tell yourself to refocus on the pain of feeling lonely; and offer a caring response, such as, ‘It’s awful to feel so alone. I’m really sorry you feel this way.'” –Overcoming Loneliness While Social Distancing, Psychology Today.

2. Don’t Waste Time Wishing.
It’s so easy to get caught up thinking about what this past year “should have been.” We all had an idea of what 2020-2021 was going to be like, and there have been so many experiences that have been changed or lost completely. It’s okay to grieve those losses. However, we can’t keep wishing things wre different – instead, we have to focus on the world as it is now, and how we can make the most of it. Of course, that’s easier said than done – but it’s a good thing to think about, to discuss with friends and family, or to journal about.

• “Instead of replaying all the ways that this pandemic has made you suffer, choose to put this situation in perspective by paying attention to some of the positives in your current life. You might observe that you have connected with old friends you have not spoken with in years. You might also be enjoying some close moments with your partner or family – ones that would not happen often in “normal” life. As you notice some good things, consider the ways that you can choose to find connection and enjoyment in life as it is now – and then do what you can to make it happen.” –Overcoming Loneliness While Social Distancing.
• “Feel the feelings, they’re going to be there whether you acknowledge them or not, but don’t get stuck obsessing on your loneliness which exacerbates the misery. After you’ve given your feelings their due regard, make a conscious decision to get out of your own head; go for a walk, throw yourself into a hobby, cook yourself an elaborate meal […]” –The Quiet Pandemic of Loneliness During COVID-19

3. Make Plans (and Make Friends). 
With so little structure, it can be easy to stay in your room for days at a time, scrolling through instagram or watching youtube between classes.

• Make plans for yourself to get out of your room – schedule yourself for a daily walk when the day is at its warmest (usually 1pm-4pm); go for a run in the morning, or pick up a coffee. You should also do your best to reach out to others.
• Got a GroupMe with your classmates? See if anyone is into Among Us or Animal Crossing and set up a time to play. You don’t have to know them well right now – that will come if you spend some social time together (even if it is while gaming!).
• And of course, if you have some old friends you haven’t reconnected with in a while, try to set up a regular, routine time to hang out – virtual brunching on Sundays, or watching episodes of a new show together on Thursday nights.
• Don’t forget to be open to overtures of friendship, too. Check out “Yes, You Can Make New Friends During a Pandemic” for the story of one person’s efforts, discouragement, and ultimately, new friendship.

Need a little more step-by-step support in making friends?

• “How to Make Friends During a Pandemic” is a great guide offering practical advice for how to reach out to new people when it’s hard to talk to and hear each other, much less see each others’ faces. It addresses everything from how to have a conversation when you’re meeting new people in small groups (like focusing on the other individuals and asking questions about them), and delves into ideas that we’ve never had to think of before (like translating facial expressions into verbal cues).
• A lot of this information is repeated in “I Haven’t Found My People In College: How to Make Friends During COVID-19,” but with some additional insights, including a reminder to “embrace the challenges!” I Haven’t Found My People is also part of a longer series, “Attending College During a Pandemic,” and includes links to other articles in the series if you’re interested.

4. Finally: remind yourself that you are not alone. Truly – we can all relate. Every faculty member, staffperson, and fellow student has at some point experienced something very similar to what you’re experiencing now, especially in the last year. Many of us are going through it right alongside you. In its own way, it is something we can all bond over and connect with, and form community around.

• “Many people feel this way in ‘normal’ life, and now the feeling has become an epidemic along with the COVID-19 pandemic. Knowing this won’t automatically fill you with a sense of connection, but it can help to be aware that your feelings are part of the human experience.” –Overcoming Loneliness While Social Distancing.